Hi there Rounduppers! Have I ever told you that every time I write the phrase “hi there!” I automatically think “Face here!” like from Nick, Jr.? Well now that we’re talking about it, yes, I did watch Nick, Jr. well into my teens because I was deprived of cable as a child and felt I was owed some garbagey advertisements masquerading as cartoons. Also similarly to Face, I have no boundaries, and neither do any of the politicians in this week’s RJ news!
First up we’ve got a real pair of winners, old Roundup fave Kirk Cameron and real shooting star Rep. Jim Buchy! Let’s all take a second and agree that his last name is pronounced “bushy,” ready? Great. So while Lil’ Bushy was floundering about on Al-Jazeera in a truly stunning feat of absolute brainlessness, KC took it upon himself to step trustingly, with wings outstretched, into the convergence of the great twin chasms of patriotic and religious fanaticism this week. Oh Kirk! You would think he would have used a phrase like “weeping and holding hands with Jesus in heaven” rather than “rolling in their graves,” but I guess some of the Founding Fathers were just deists and not actual New Testament fanboys like Kirk.
Closer to home, this dude who’s been screwing around and making messes in a huge way for my entire life is trying to pass a 100% unnecessary ban on same-sex marriage on military bases in Oklahoma. Has there ever been a bigger waste of taxpayer dollars than the utterly silly symbolic legislation that gets passed in this state? You’re not allowed to say war or corporate subsidies! I’m definitely right about this.
Although Mittens is as we speak doing things I dislike nonstop on the national stage, it’s also fun to dig up horrific things he’s said in the past! Because R-Money doesn’t
actually live on the same plane of reality as the rest of us and is made only of Monopoly money and (dressage) horse shit, it’s to be expected that the insipid yes-men who probably surround him 24/7 thought it was just fine for him to really speak his mind and totally deny being aware that LGBT families exist at all. I mean, aren’t all these “issues” just distracting him from what’s really important – stealing everybody’s money and lying to the government he’s trying to get elected to about it?
These dudes have come to the sociopathic conclusion that everybody else should be forced to hear and obey their bungled, unthought-through ideas about everything, especially other people’s personal lives and families. Look, y’all, I might overshare, I might even use all caps-lock on the internet sometimes! It happens. But I don’t feel entitled to control over your mind and body.
Speaking of property is theft (looking at you, Mittens), THIS VIDEO:
Pearl is scuffing up your Nikes.
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