Rodeo Roundup: Thunder in my legwarmers

Ohh haaayyy. While Mallory was cuttin up about bowl cuts I took my senior young kid vacay in the NW. I ate lots’o sea boogers, got a little lost, drank something called HelliCorn, enjoyed super cool weather, and snarled at apathetic Portlanders who made fun of my accent.  Basically like any other day.

Y’all know how we feel about outsiders comin in and tellin us how to run our business. It ain’t gonna happen. So when a Congressman from Arizona decided to introduce a 20 week abortion ban, in, um Washington D.C. folks were like ‘betch plz’. Since dude has appointed himself a D.C. legislator, he’s been dubbed “Mayor Franks” and is now being bombarded with phone calls about the city itself. Like real problems (public transport, garbage issues, etc)-not ones made up in ‘Ol Fetus Franks brain. Protesting with sarcasm is just about my favorite thing ever, besides kazoos.

Would you wear a shirt that says fuck a naughty word on it? For political reasons? To advertise something? I would-depending on my mood. And I’m a pretty mouthy person. Recently a woman was publicly berated by an American Airlines flight attendant and a captain for wearing a shirt with a quote made notorious by Oklahoma’s own Senator Judy McIntyre (she’s known as ‘the hugging senator‘!!!!) This woman made it through the nightmare that is the TSA, sat at the gate, boarded the plane, slept through the flight and only at the end a flight attendant decided to get in her business and alert the captain. No one else complained and they made her miss her next flight on purpose. That’s seriously just dumb. Next time I get stuck next to Mister “mah balls need space” -Im totes doing my Jane Fonda workout in my seat.

In other “Terrorism that’s not Terrorism” news; TWO Georgia reproductive health clinics were set on fire this week. I guess arson is totally cool if it’s committed against people who work to provide a legal, needed, wanted service to people. Right? Not to joke but the perp was totally wearing khakis. OF COURSE HE WAS! (We have an ongoing joke that the worst offenses are committed while wearing khakis)

Annnd now it’s run down time. Will low income patients in Texas find the reproductive care they need without PP? Probably not. As much pissing and moaning as we see, most Amer-I-cans actually support abortion! Jay Smooth helps white people not freak out (again). Let’s patent some meat at Oklahoma State! Oklahoma City people freak out when violent things happen near Coyote Ugly and the Melting Pot. No joke, that is really scary and really messed up but gun violence happens here but it never gets this much attention. Remember that band LFO? Me either but some dude that was in the band hangs out at ‘abortion clinics’ and live tweets about saving ladies from making terrible decisions with their ladiebrainz. Nice chin pubes, dick. Oh look! The 90′s are really back and these two jerks are gonna tell me to not chew my toenails in front of a date! RUDE.

That’s it you hotties. I’m off to Kansas starting Sunday. I’ll fill you in how the weather dries my sinuses! Here’s some Trina cause Judie just told me there’s a hot gossip item that Trina is dating James Harden!

Molly really needs to pack. She’s deathly afraid of dressing like a grown person for her new job. Leggings are pants, right? Can co-workers smell your feet?